第十九章 有蠢贼！
新笔趣阁(52xbq.com)更新快，无弹窗！
“欢迎光临土鳖拍卖会！“戴着蒸汽朋克护目镜的鼹鼠司仪正在用扳手搓爪子，“首件拍品——会放彩虹屁的九尾马桶圈！附带三代目火影同款便秘表情包！“
拍卖场弥漫着机油与章鱼烧的诡异香气。漩涡铭的机械右眼自动扫描全场：前排秃顶大叔用蕾丝内裤当口罩，脚趾在竞拍器上输入价格；右后方女仆装壮汉手持电锯玫瑰，花瓣正在滴落腐蚀性黏液；最角落的阴影里，机械山羊的屁股正在印刷假钞，每张都印着纲手输钱时的哭脸。
“第二件珍品！“鼹鼠敲了敲生锈的铜锣，“初代火影亲笔签名的鼻毛写真集！内附可拆卸机械鼻毛三根，能自动编织幸运手链！“
卡卡西不知何时混入买家席，《亲热战略》的书页里掉出钢镚雨。佐助的写轮眼突然抽搐——那本小黄书正用摩斯密码向拍卖师发送暗号：“三点钟方向有肥羊“。戴貂皮大婶腰间的扳手突然尖叫：“快拍下37号蒸汽核心！否则老娘把你改造成扫地机器人！“
“第三件宝贝！“鼹鼠司仪掀开红绸布，展台上蹦出个机械寿司，“会跳探戈的鲔鱼刺身！每日限量喷射芥末烟花！“寿司突然张开嘴咬住鸣人探出的手指，金发少年甩着“人肉钓竿“满场乱窜，把竞价牌撞成天女散花。
漩涡铭的液压手指悄悄敲击地面，声波在金属地板勾勒出保险箱的结构图。当他假装系鞋带时，机械义眼射出激光在展台刻下涂鸦——歪歪扭扭的初代火影比着中指。
“接下来是压轴大戏！“鼹鼠按下镶钻按钮，展台升起跳钢管舞的保险箱，“来自雪之国的星纹钢！起拍价——“
“我用这个换！“鸣人突然把漩涡铭踹上展台，手里举着被寿司咬肿的香肠嘴，“附赠宇智波祖传增高鞋垫！保证让您摆脱“木叶霍比特人“的耻辱！“
佐助的千鸟劈碎三个竞价器，却被机械山羊吐出的钢镚砸出鹅蛋大的包。小樱的怪力拳轰向女仆壮汉，却打爆章鱼烧摊位，滚烫的丸子黏在鼹鼠光头上滋滋冒烟。整个会场瞬间炸锅：九尾马桶圈追着卡卡西喷射彩虹，写真集发射如雨钢针，机械山羊的假钞雪崩般淹没人群。
“警报！有蠢贼！“保险箱顶的机械蜘蛛挥舞毛腿，“儿歌密码破解进度89%！“漩涡铭的液压支架勾住吊灯荡秋千，双脚在箱体敲出《小星星变奏曲》。“咔嗒“脆响中，保险箱蹦出个织毛衣的机械蜘蛛，八只眼睛轮流播放《黑市安全守则》动画片。
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