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第1228章 谪仙到访

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    五十名美女刚上台,鼓点一响,雪地里结了一层冰,“啪嗒啪嗒“连摔十几人,队形秒变“滚地葫芦“。
    第二个节目:独唱《洛阳王》。
    歌伎开口就忘词,把“英武的洛阳王“唱成“应付的洛阳账“,台下哄笑。
    第三个节目:舞龙舞狮舞鸡。
    舞鸡队风力太大,巨型鸡翅膀被吹折,“雄鸡“一头栽进朱鲔怀里,鸡头撞飞他的头盔,露出里面一顶普通布帽,布帽上绣四个字:账算清楚。
    士兵们笑得敲盾牌:“李公文工团,专演搞笑戏!“
    李松臊得想钻鸡翅膀里。
    演出结束,李松硬着头皮推出“补过酒“:
    “朱将军,此乃长安秘制,喝了它,过往恩怨,一笔勾销!“
    朱鲔挑眉:“当真?“
    “当真!“
    “好!先请李公试饮三碗,以表诚意。“
    李松酒量三杯倒,但箭在弦上,不得不喝。第一碗下肚,眼前出现两个朱鲔;第二碗,出现四个;第三碗,整个校场都是朱鲔,齐声喊:“账算清楚!“
    他“扑通“倒地,人事不省。
    与此同时,五百坛酒分发三军。士兵们学乖了,先兑水再喝,仍顶不住后劲,纷纷醉倒。有人抱着木桩喊“娘“,有人扯着“舞鸡“翅膀要下蛋,还有人把狗牌挂自己脖子上,学狗爬去找“李松“要骨头。
    好好一座军营,瞬间变“大型动物园“。
    次日清晨,李松头痛欲裂醒来,发现自己被扒得只剩中衣,胸口挂了个大牌子:
    “欠债二万贯,自愿打工偿还“
    朱鲔站在他面前,笑眯眯:
    “李公既无力还钱,又诚心‘亲征‘,鲔岂敢不奉陪?特给你谋了几个好差:
    1.洛阳鸡场饲养员——每日喂鸡三千只,喂完数数,少一只赔十钱;
    2.乌云盖雪专职洗马夫——早中晚三遍,刷秃一根毛赔一贯;
    3.赛猛虎副都督陪跑员——每日卯时陪狗巡城,狗累你背,背不动赔五十钱;
    4.尚膳监切菜小工——听监正老锅头指挥,切到手赔医药费自理;
    5.洛阳令大铡刀保洁员——每夜磨刀,磨不快赔新刀。“
    五个岗位,工钱统一:每月十钱,包吃不包住,干到还清二万贯为止。
    李松算盘一打:得干一千六百六十六年......
    他当场嚎啕:“朱鲔!你杀了我吧!“
    朱鲔和蔼地摸摸他头:“杀你?那不行,死了谁喂鸡?放心,我会派人给你送终——纸糊的草棚,保证和真的一样。“
    正月二十五,洛阳城头贴出最新告示:
    “原长安宰相李松,因自愿亲征、亲送、亲赔,现特聘为‘洛阳鸡场终身荣誉饲养员‘,望周知。“
    百姓围观,笑得打跌:
    “李公专业送温暖,终于把自己也送出去了!“
    城头高处,朱鲔举杯向远方:
    “李兄,你如愿‘亲征‘成功,往后余生,请与鸡共舞。“
    而鸡场方向,传来李松悲愤的吆喝:
    “咯咯哒——账算清楚!“
    “咯咯哒——少一只赔十钱!“
    雪后初晴,阳光照在“洛阳吃鸡大总管“的金字招牌上,也照在李松胸口的狗牌上,闪闪发光——
    那是“终极大招“的勋章,也是“抓鸡不成失把米“的墓志铭。
    忽然亲兵来到朱鮪面前道:“报,大将军,常山太守邓晨求见。”
    朱鮪饶有兴趣地说:“哦?邓晨,他不是刘秀的二姐夫吗?”
    亲兵马上接话道:“如果大将军不想见,我回绝他就是。”
    “慢着,都说他是谪仙,且看他如何说。”朱鮪拦住说。
    很快邓晨和白芷就进来了,后面还跟着一个道士。
    朱鲔眯着眼打量邓晨,只见这位常山太守一袭青衫,腰间挂着个酒葫芦,走路带风,活像个游山玩水的书生,哪像个太守?
    “邓太守大驾光临,不知有何贵干?“朱鲔倚在城头,手里还攥着刚才看李松热闹时抓的一把瓜子。
    邓晨拱拱手,笑得比洛阳牡丹还灿烂:“特来向大将军贺喜。“
    “贺喜?“朱鲔嗑瓜子的手一顿,“我有什么喜?刚把李松那老狐狸送去养鸡,正等着他哪天把鸡养成凤凰呢。“
    “正是此事。“邓晨神秘兮兮地凑近,“大将军可知,您这一手‘杀鸡儆猴‘,在长安那边已经传为笑谈了?“
    朱鲔脸色一沉:“邓太守若是来嘲讽的...“
    “哎哎哎,别急啊。“邓晨摆摆手,突然压低声音,“赵萌昨夜在长安设宴,请了王凤、王匡、陈牧他们,独独没请您,知道为什么吗?“
    朱鲔瓜子也不嗑了。赵萌是更始帝刘玄的岳父,最近风头正盛,这宴无好宴的道理他懂。
    “因为您太聪明了。“邓晨指了指城下正在数鸡的李松,“李松这‘送温暖专业户‘一倒,绿林军那些老兄弟们都兔死狐悲呢。赵萌这是要...“
    “要清洗?“朱鲔冷笑一声,“他赵萌算个什么东西,当年在宛城...“
    “当年在宛城,您害死了刘縯,又劝陛下软禁刘秀,这账绿林军可都记着呢。“邓晨突然正色道,“现在赵萌要动手,第一个就是拿您开刀。“
    朱鲔手里的瓜子撒了一地。他忽然发现,这个看起来吊儿郎当的邓晨,眼睛亮得吓人。
    “你到底是谁?“朱鲔下意识摸向佩剑。
    “我啊?“邓晨又恢复了那副痞样,“我是个知道未来的人。“他指了指天,“三个月内,赤眉军必西进长安;半年内,更始必败;一年内...“他凑到朱鲔耳边,“您会在这里,迎接一位真龙天子。“
    朱鲔手一抖,剑鞘磕在城砖上“当啷“一声。他忽然想起昨夜做的那个梦——洛阳城头,一条赤龙盘旋,龙爪正对着他。
    “你...你怎知...“
    “因为刘秀现在就在河北。“邓晨眨眨眼,“而您,将是第一个向他递降表的人。“
    “放屁!“朱鲔涨红了脸,“我朱鲔,乃是大司马,堂堂大将军,岂会向那...“
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